I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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