Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
