Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
