so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
