I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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