I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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