Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
