I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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