Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
