Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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