i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
