I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
