My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
