As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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