After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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