A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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