so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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