I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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