my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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