as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
