I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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