also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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