A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
