508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
