I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
