I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
