how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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