I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can text with my tongue
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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