I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
