My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
