yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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