You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
