A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
