i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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