I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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