we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
