so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Even my vagina gasped.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
