ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
