dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
