Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
