Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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