Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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