I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
