I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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