Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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