Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
