he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
