Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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