Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
