I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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