I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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