I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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