Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
