First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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