im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
