Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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