I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
