I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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